If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
