when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I understand Curling. That high.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize