Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
