My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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