people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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