There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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