I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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