I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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