i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
