I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
