Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
