Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
