Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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