He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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