Sry I called you an 8
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
