after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
