im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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