yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize