He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
