I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize