I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
