I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
