I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
