You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
