I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
