I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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