My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
