Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
