He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize