i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize