I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
