i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
