umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
