anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
