I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
