I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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