Having a random hookup so left but love u
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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