fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
