He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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