i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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