i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
