So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
