im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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