I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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