broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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