i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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