the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
