Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
