so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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