Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
