We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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