it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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