I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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