I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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