Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
