Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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