Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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