I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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