Umm I'm too high to move.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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