I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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