Im at strip club and am horny
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry about my life...
and you fell through a lawn chair
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
