you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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