ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
