Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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