I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
