His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
