Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I faked an abortion last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize