I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
