And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
