maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
