I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
