I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
