i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
