so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
