I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
