Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize