Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
