we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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