If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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