He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
