I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
