i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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