roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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