planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
