I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
